


Agape, Please Don't Dissipate.

by thesameoldfairytale



Series: Standing at the Point of No Return. [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Otabek Altin, Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Angst, Friendship, M/M, Minor Character Death (Mentioned), Slow Burn, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 04:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10528686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesameoldfairytale/pseuds/thesameoldfairytale
Summary: This story takes place towards the end of the off-season (roughly 3.5 years after the GPF in Barcelona). Yuri spends some more time with Victor and Yuuri visiting the latter's family in Hasetsu when him and Otabek find out which Grand Prix events they are assigned to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yuri is still 19 here, Otabek still 22. 
> 
> Not beta'd.

When Yuri left Almaty to spend some time with Victor and Yuuri at the latter’s family home in Hasetsu, Otabek felt a little disappointed. He knew that time away in Japan would be good for Yuri because the blonde had told him how much he loved the place, but at the same time the thought of Yuri being so far away again made him anxious.

Seeing his friend so heartbroken when his grandfather had passed away earlier in the year filled him with an immense amount of pain he didn’t think he would ever experience for a friend. Yuri, however, wasn’t just any friend. He was his best friend.

Otabek had lost his own grandfather when he was only five years old and he was certain that the pain he had felt back then did not compare to how Yuri felt when Nikolai died. He was too young to really understand what death was back then but Yuri was more than mature enough to comprehend that Nikolai was gone, and that he wouldn’t be coming back.

Yuri had asked him not to come to the funeral but Otabek didn’t listen. He wanted to be there for his friend. He didn’t think twice about booking a flight to Moscow when Victor had texted him about Nikolai. It was after the World Championships and not an inconvenience because it didn’t interfere with any mandatory practice. Although Otabek was sure that even if it had happened in the middle of the season, he still would’ve dropped everything to rush to Yuri’s side and be there for him.

Otabek had been scared for Yuri’s well-being and immediately invited him to spend part of the off-season with him in Almaty which Yuri enthusiastically agreed to. Yuri wasn’t comfortable around a lot of people, but for some reason Otabek was one of the people whose company Yuri enjoyed. What he did to deserve that, he really didn’t know.

Yuri had been in Japan for a while now and Otabek realised almost angrily that the end of the off-season was drawing to a close. Yuri, Victor and Yuuri would be returning to St. Petersburg soon to start their proper training for the upcoming season. Otabek had the same duty waiting for him in Almaty. But the most important thing they would all do today was to find out which qualifiers they would be competing in to get to the Grand Prix Final.

Even though most of Otabek’s friends had no clue what was what when it came to figure skating, they obviously picked up on Otabek’s anxiety, most likely because the Kazakh so rarely showed that side of himself. His friends had made a variety of suggestions for things to do to take his mind off of the announcement coming later in the day, but Otabek had refused all of them. He was grateful for their concern but there was nothing they could do to distract him.

Instead Otabek spent his entire day at the rink. He tried out different jumps, spins and step sequences, as well as various arrangements of an instrumental piece he composed shortly after Yuri had gone to Japan. He noticed the worrying glances his coach sent his way once in a while but he completely ignored them. Otabek had a feeling that he probably deserved those stares as he hadn’t worked himself this hard since the World Championships had ended, but he couldn’t care less. He was restless and anxious, making use of the only two things he knew that would make him feel better – skating and his music.

By the time he grabbed his bag and left the rink, he smiled fondly at his phone when he saw a message from Yuri. He opened the text to find a photo showing Yuri’s less than amused face in the foreground with Victor and Yuuri dancing and smiling happily in the background. Otabek couldn’t help but notice the rollerblades on the older men’s feet.

He quickly typed a reply to send over.

 **Otabek:** _They got you to go rollerblading???_

The idea of Yuri on rollerblades was bizarre to him. It wasn’t that Yuri wasn’t perfectly capable of being just as graceful on rollerblades as he was on the ice, it was just that rollerblading normally implied pop music, lots of laughing and generally having a good time, and Yuri normally wasn’t into those kind of things (not in public anyway and definitely not when Victor and Yuuri were with him).

On his way home, Otabek couldn’t get rid of that tiny smile that adorned his lips. When he dropped his bag in the hallway of his small flat, his phone chimed again with another message from Yuri.

 **Yuri:** _They were only trying to distract me._

 **Otabek:** _Did it work?_

 **Yuri:** _No. They knew that but just didn’t give a shit._

Otabek could picture Yuri sulking whilst doing laps at the place Victor and Yuuri took him to, all the while showing off various spins and steps, mainly because he could and partly because he simply was a smug bastard that wanted to brag a little. Yuri wouldn’t admit it but Otabek knew that deep down Yuri was glad to have Victor and Yuuri watching over him, and Otabek was just as grateful for them doing so.

 **Otabek:** _Are you nervous?_

As soon as he typed the message, Otabek felt anxious again. While he managed to drown that feeling out throughout most of the day, being home now by himself brought that crushing feeling right back, settling uneasy in the pit of his stomach. In only twenty-five minutes they were going to find out whether or not they could see each other again before the beginning of December. Otabek was certain that him and Yuri would both reach the Grand Prix Final, he was just worried about whether or not they would get there through the same path and therefore see each other rather sooner than later.

The majority of people who knew how close Otabek and Yuri had grown over the years were irritated by the fact that they liked competing against each other. They would assume that since they were friends they’d rather not be part of the same competition but being assigned to the same ones meant seeing each other, and Otabek valued that more than the rivalry between them on the ice. He had never talked about this with Yuri but he was hoping that the younger boy felt the same way as he did.

 **Yuri:** _Yes._

Before Otabek could type a reply, he got another text from Yuri, which was a rarity. Yuri tried avoiding double texting like he avoided JJ at competitions.

 **Yuri:** _I don’t want to have to wait until December to see you again._

Otabek was a little surprised at Yuri’s frankness but he couldn’t deny that he had the same wish.

They only had twenty minutes until the announcement of the Grand Prix qualifying events was made public and Otabek was desperately yearning for a shower.

 **Otabek:** _I need a shower, Yura. Skype you after that?_

 **Yuri:** _Sure._

The hot water running down his body relaxed Otabek almost to the degree of wanting to sit down in the shower. Before he actually let himself do that, he turned off the water and forced himself to get out of the shower and dry off. He put on a loose pair of black jogging bottoms, a simple white shirt and his Kazakhstan team training jacket. Knowing that Yuri had his team t-shirt put him at ease for a second, only for his anxiety to bubble back up when he rang Yuri on skype.

Two rings later the laptop screen lit up with Yuri’s still so very youthful and smiling face.

“Hey,” Yuri said happily and seeing his smile relaxed Otabek even more than the hot shower did.

“It’s good to see your face,” Otabek said before he could stop himself.

“You saw me yesterday,” Yuri replied, chuckling a little.

“Whatever,” was Otabek’s response. He tried hard to conceal his blush from Yuri but out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed Yuri winking at him and that told him that the blonde was more observing than he had hoped.

“So,” Yuri then said, trying to change the topic, “you got all fingers and toes crossed?”

“I have indeed,” Otabek confirmed, showing off his bare feet and hands and almost falling over in the process. Hearing Yuri laugh on the other hand was completely worth it.

Once Otabek settled back in his seat on his desk, he double-checked the time. Three minutes to go.

“Are Victor and Yuuri around?” he enquired.

Yuri rolled his eyes as hard as he could, Otabek could tell and it made him shake his head a little but he smiled nevertheless.

“Of course they are. They are always around.”

Turning the laptop around, Yuri showed him Victor and Yuuri sitting a little further away, both of them on their phones but they looked up when Yuri shuffled in his seat.

“Hey Otabek,” the older men cheered in unison waving at him. Otabek waved back before Yuri turned his laptop around again.

“They’re so annoying,” Yuri said accompanied by another eyeroll.

“They just waved hello, Yura,” Otabek responded, his head tilted a little and a corner of his mouth raised just a tiny fraction.

“That’s bad enough,” was all Yuri offered in return.

“Oh no,” Otabek heard someone say then, and it wasn’t him or Yuri. It was Victor.

Otabek watched as Yuri turned his head around to the side before he said “What?”

“The lists are out,” Yuuri announced quietly. Otabek couldn’t see the other man but did hear the edge to his voice.

Yuri turned his head back to the screen, his brows furrowed in equal measures of anticipation and sorrow while he let one of his hands glide through his long soft hair.

“I don’t want to know,” he mumbled eventually and Otabek actually shared the sentiment.

“Yurio?” Victor’s voice came from somewhere off-screen. He sounded anxious, or maybe even scared.

“What is it, old man?” Yuri spat out, but it didn’t sound as rude or angry as it usually did.

Otabek wished that he could reach through the screen and put his hands on Yuri’s shoulders, force him to look him in the eyes. Yuri flinched at most people’s attempts to touch him, but Otabek’s advances seemed to be almost welcome. Otabek normally tried not to read too much into it, didn’t want to get ahead of himself and do or say anything Yuri could misinterpret.

Right now, he could see how agitated Yuri was, lashing out at Victor, even if it didn’t come across as harsh as it did under different circumstances.

“Yura?” Otabek said quietly but firm, and when Yuri snapped around to face him again, his eyes were already shimmering dangerously.

Yuri’s eyes told him that neither one of them needed to see the lists. They didn’t need to check which events they were assigned to because they already knew they wouldn’t be doing the same ones.

“Can you go to your room, please?” Otabek then asked because he knew what was about to happen and he didn’t want it to happen in front of Victor and Yuuri.

Otabek watched as Yuri picked up his laptop and walked through the hallway to his room. He heard the sound of Yuri’s door clicking shut before the blonde sat down on his bed, cross-legged again before setting down the laptop in front of him.

“Yura,” Otabek began once Yuri was settled but the younger boy immediately interrupted him. “Don’t.”

Yuri reached out his arm to the side, out of the frame where Otabek couldn’t see what he was aiming for. A second later Yuri was clutching Otabek’s cuddly bear to his chest, both of his arms wrapped around it tightly, and before Otabek could say anything he saw silent tears rolling down Yuri’s cheeks.

“Yura, look at me, please,” Otabek said calmly, although he really just wanted to scream. Years of self-control and willpower stopped him from doing so, but he didn’t know if that was more for his own benefit or for Yuri’s.

Otabek was longing to see Yuri’s blue-green eyes, just so he could make sure that his friend was alright.

“Don’t you want to check the lists?” Otabek cautiously asked once those glittering and now slightly red eyes were finally on him again.

“I don’t have to,” Yuri replied, and of course Otabek couldn’t argue with that. It made no difference to them which events they were going to compete in when they weren’t even sharing at least one event.

Otabek forced himself to stay quiet. He knew that whatever he’d said wouldn’t help Yuri at all. It would have been different if they were actually both in the same place. At least then they could actually comfort each other but it was just so much more difficult to do that through a laptop screen.

Watching Yuri sob quietly for a minute, Otabek was surprised when he suddenly heard his voice again out of the blue.

“I just wanted to see you, Beka,” Yuri admitted before adding, “and spend your birthday with you.”

“So did I, Yura,” Otabek assured him because it was true.

While Yuri had been going to his room, Otabek had pulled up the official announcement of the qualifying events on his phone and now he finally checked it. Even though he pretty much already accepted that he wouldn’t get to see Yuri until the Final in December, seeing it black on white was different. It confirmed what he was sure about anyway, but he had held a tiny flicker of hope inside him nevertheless, and that flame was now suffocated.

When Otabek’s eyes went through the list and eventually found Yuri’s name, it was almost comical to see which events the younger skater was assigned to.

“You’re going to Moscow and Osaka,” Otabek informed Yuri quietly, his words drawn out a little longer than normal.

Yuri looked up at him again when he heard Otabek’s voice, a small smile gracing his lips but it wasn’t a happy smile. It was mocking and sarcastic, and most importantly worried Otabek.

“Are you alright, Yura?” he asked because he couldn’t shake the anxiety that looking at Yuri caused inside him.

“Are you serious? No, I’m not fucking alright, Beka,” Yuri almost shouted at him and Otabek flinched at the sudden change of tone of his voice. “Don’t you see the fucking irony? All I asked for was the chance to see you and spend some time with you. I wanted to have the opportunity to celebrate my best friend’s stupid birthday with him and what did I get? Fucking Moscow and Japan of all places. It’s like the universe is fucking with me. How could I possibly be alright about going back to Moscow when the last time I was there I had to bury the most important person in my life? This is not fair. Nothing about this is fair, Beka.”

Yuri had talked himself into a rant, the cuddly bear now sitting in his lap while Yuri was gesturing wildly with his hands. He was crushed and angry. Lashing out was Yuri’s way of dealing with his emotions. Otabek knew that but it still made his skin crawl because it was so rarely directed at him, but right now it seemed like it was.

Otabek sighed. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to any of what Yuri just yelled at him. There wasn’t really anything he _could_ say. Not being able to pull Yuri into a hug when he was this upset was more soul-crushing than he thought it could ever be.

“Where do you have to go?” Yuri eventually asked and Otabek immediately snapped out of his momentary haze.

“Chicago and Paris,” Otabek informed him, even though he didn’t want to because he figured that it might upset Yuri even more.

“Now isn’t that just fucking wonderful?” Yuri commented, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Otabek couldn’t think of anything else to say besides, “I’m sorry, Yura.”

“What for?” Yuri immediately wanted to know, now more concerned than sarcastic or angry. “This is not your fault.”

Otabek smiled sadly at him.

Seeing Yuri wrap his arms around his bear again, for some reason calmed Otabek down. He realised that even though he couldn’t be there with Yuri in person, part of him still was, and it was a part Yuri said he loved. He loved the bear and the bear was a part of Otabek.

“You want to hear one positive thing about your assignments?” Otabek then asked, hoping he could cheer Yuri up at least a tiny little bit.

“I highly doubt that there is anything positive about them but go ahead, let’s hear it,” Yuri mocked him playfully.

The smile forming on Otabek’s lips now was supposed to be more genuine and comforting than sad, and he hoped that Yuri would see the difference.

“JJ won’t be at either one of your events.”

Yuri suddenly laughed out loud. His hair swinging loosely around his shoulders like a halo, his face still wet from his tears but he was laughing and it sounded like a genuinely warm laugh, which made Otabek’s heart skip a beat.

“Well, thank fuck for that at least,” Yuri said, seemingly agreeing that this was indeed a positive thing. “Do you have to see him?”

“He’ll be in France but don’t worry, I’m going to kick his ass,” Otabek assured him, winking at Yuri to emphasise he meant it.

“I’m counting on you,” was all Yuri responded, still smiling and unconsciously wiping away the rest of his tears from his cheeks, before he yawned.

“You should get some sleep, kitten.”

With the time difference between Japan and Kazakhstan, Yuri was three hours ahead of Otabek. Even if that weren’t the case, Otabek was sure that Yuri would be exhausted by now, and he was too.

“I hate this, you know,” Yuri pointed out without explaining what exactly it was he meant.

“I know,” Otabek replied a little sentimental. “I do too.”

Maybe they had been spoilt, sharing both of their qualifiers for last year’s Grand Prix and then getting to spend so much time together during the off-season instead of just a long weekend like it was usually the case. They were used to more time together and not seeing Yuri again for another five months wasn’t quite what Otabek wanted either, but unfortunately there wasn’t much either of them could do about it, except come up with mind-blowing programs and practice them until they were perfect. It was the only way to make sure they _would_ get to see each other again this year. It sucked but that was just the way it was.

“I’ll see you and Yuuri in Vancouver in December,” Otabek said and Yuri smiled weakly at him.

“The old men and I will see you there.”

“Text me tomorrow, kitten,” was the last thing Otabek said to Yuri before he ended the call, the blonde boy’s disappointed face disappearing from the screen.

Sleep didn’t come easy that night because Otabek’s mind was racing all over the place. The way Yuri reacted to the news that he wouldn’t participate in any of the Grand Prix assignments Otabek got, showed clearly how much Yuri cared about him, and Otabek would never deny that he felt the same way about him. Yuri and him had been friends for over three years at that point and he was always hoping that things would get easier for them, but in reality, they appeared to just get more and more complicated. The actual geographical distance between Otabek’s own home rink in Almaty and Yuri’s in St. Petersburg was bad enough, add to that the time difference and their busy schedules that only seemed to get busier the more successful both of them became, and the foundation of their friendship was dangerously close to cracking under the pressure.

* * *

At the end of November Otabek watched the live stream of Yuri’s Short Program and his subsequent Free Skate at the final Grand Prix qualifier. They were just as beautiful and mesmerising as Otabek remembered them and once he saw the silver medal placed around the blonde’s neck, his mind wandered back to that night in June when they found out which assignments they would be competing in. Otabek couldn’t help but laugh when he thought about the kind of concerns and worries he started to have that night. The kind of thoughts that wouldn’t let him go throughout the past five months. But now, with his own silver from Skate America (losing only to Christophe Giacometti) and his gold from the Trophée de France (kicking JJ’s ass exactly like he promised Yuri he would), as well as Yuri’s gold from the Rostelecom Cup and now his silver from the NHK Trophy (after getting beaten by Yuuri Katsuki), all of Otabek’s doubts concerning his friendship with Yuri suddenly disappeared into thin air like they were never there in the first place. He had to admit to himself that he didn’t know exactly how their success in these events were connected to the core of his friendship with Yuri, but he didn’t want to concern himself with that question now.

When the live stream ended, Otabek quickly reached for his phone. He knew Yuri wouldn’t get a chance to see his message any time soon but he still felt compelled to let him know that he was watching.

 **Otabek:** _I told you we would see each other in Vancouver._

 **Otabek:** _Congratulations, Yura._

Half an hour later, just before he finally went to bed, Otabek couldn’t resist the urge to type another short message to send to Yuri.

 **Otabek:** _Two weeks..._

Smiling, he turned his phone on silent and went to sleep. He hadn’t felt this content in months.

**Author's Note:**

> The next part will hopefully have three chapters but that may or may not change. I might just combine everything and squeeze it into one monster of a chapter. We'll see.


End file.
